


FlooFlirt (TM)

by Iwritemynameinallcaps



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anonymity, Dialogue-Only, Drarry, Epistolary, FlooFlirt, M/M, Oblivious, PocketFloo, Pseudonyms, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-24 14:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20707853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwritemynameinallcaps/pseuds/Iwritemynameinallcaps
Summary: There's a new available feature on the very succesfull wizarding communication device PocketFloo (TM).Let the FlooFlirting begin.





	1. Welcome to FlooFlirt

**Author's Note:**

> Hello  
This fic is going to be all messages - if that's not your jam, that's totally fine, just thought I'd give a heads up.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy!

**PocketMessage:** FlooFlirt Official

Welcome GreenGuy

Thank you for adding FlooFlirt to your PocketFloo. We take your privacy seriously and will not disclose your FlooID or your contact informaiton to any third party. To get started, you need to add a short text about yourself and a profile picture. The picture can be taken with you FlooCam or chosen from our selection in the menu. Now you can get started, either by browsing our members for a match or by waiting to be contacted.

We at PocketFloo Inc. wish you all the best.


	2. Chapter 2

**FlooFlirt with:** FitForFlirt

FitForFlirt: Hey there, I like your profile.

GreenGuy: Thanks.

FitForFlirt: Cam?

GreenGuy: Uh?

FitForFlirt: Wanna do FlooCam?

GreenGuy: Uh no thanks, I like the anonymity, I hope that’s ok?

FitForFlirt: Aw, then I can’t show you how big I am.

_GreenGuy blocked FitForFlirt._


	3. Chapter 3

**FlooFlirt with:** MyBadger

MyBadger: No profilepicture?

GreenGuy: Hello to you too.

MyBadger: Hi. So?

GreenGuy: I prefer the random one, I kind of like the little lizard.

MyBadger: If you show me your Lizard I’ll show you my badger ;)

GreenGuy: Haha

MyBadger: I could show you a good time.

GreenGuy: Is everybody on here insane?

_GreenGuy blocked MyBadger._


	4. Chapter 4

_GreenGuy blocked BigDickInc_

_GreenGuy blocked Wanttoseemywandwinkwink_

_GreenGuy blocked illlickyou_

_GreenGuy blocked suckforsuck_

_GreenGuy blocked dominatemedaddy_


	5. Chapter 5

**FlooFlirt with:** Neon

GreenGuy: Hi. I don’t really know how to start here.

Neon: Hi is sufficient.

GreenGuy: Thanks?

Neon: You are welcome.

GreenGuy: I liked your description, short, to the point and most importantly – not creepy.

Neon: That is an odd compliment but I will take it.

GreenGuy: It’s a bit daunting to come on here at first.

Neon: You will weed out the most terrible offenders in a couple of weeks.

GreenGuy: I already blocked seven or eight people – tried to answer a couple that didn’t have horribly scarring names but so far you are the one I have talked to the longest.

Neon: That is just sad.

GreenGuy: I know.

Neon: Now that I have made it through your very thorough screening process – what is a Lizard like you doing on a dating service?

GreenGuy: The same as most I guess, trying to find someone…

Neon: Nothing specific?

GreenGuy: A man?

Neon: Are you asking me or telling me?

GreenGuy: Telling.

Neon: Have you come out yet?

GreenGuy: I… no. Is that a problem.

Neon: That is dependent on the reason, I would not like to assume.

GreenGuy: The reason. That’s a good question. I guess a lot of it is just figuring myself out. I only really came to terms with it myself a couple of months ago. I want to keep it for myself for a bit before it becomes everyone’s business. I want to enjoy myself before everyone asks a thousand questions and… I don’t know… it just feels private.

Neon: What if someone flat out asked you; “Hey you, Lizardboy, are you gay?”

GreenGuy: Lizardboy?

Neon: I am sticking with it.

GreenGuy: Ok Penny

Neon: No.

GreenGuy: What? Your picture is a Pen, mine is a Lizard, fair is fair.

Neon: Fair is decidedly not fair, no. Penny is a woman’s name.

GreenGuy: I don’t make the rules Penny.

Neon: Mr. Green would you be so kind as to refrain from that horrid name?

GreenGuy: Well Mr. Neon, how can I refuse?

Neon: Back to my earlier question – how would you respond?

GreenGuy: It depends on who was doing the asking. If someone close to me asked I wouldn’t want to lie. I am not ashamed and I don’t actually feel like hiding who I am. I just… need to have something, something that’s just mine. You know?

Neon: I get it.

GreenGuy: So I passed.

Neon: I will give you an Acceptable.

GreenGuy: Aw you sap.

Neon: Aren’t I just.

GreenGuy: I am off to bed.

Neon: Yes I am as well.

GreenGuy: Let’s talk again?

Neon: Sounds good.


	6. Chapter 6

**PocketMessage:** Hermione

Hermione: Are you awake?

Harry: No.

Hermione: Are you going today?

Harry: Yes. I said I would.

Hermione: I wish I could be there.

Harry: Me too.

Hermione: I am really sorry, Harry.

Harry: Don’t be, you are were you need to be right now and I don’t blame you.

Hermione: Who else is coming.

Harry: Other than…

Hermione: Yes.

Harry: I’m not sure, I think everyone will want to help. It’s about time too.

Hermione: The past year has not been easy.

Harry: Nope.

Hermione: And Ginny?

Harry: What about her?

Hermione: Is she coming?

Harry: I guess so.

Hermione: Still not going to try and fix things?

Harry: There is nothing to fix anymore. We both moved on.

Hermione: You haven’t moved that far along though.

Harry: It’s not happening Hermione, I just can’t.

Hermione: Ok.

Harry: Don’t sound so disappointed.

Hermione: I cannot sound disappointed on my PF

Harry: I can hear the sigh all the way across the globe.

Hermione: Shut it.

Harry: Ginny and I will be fine. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Hermione: Yeah, I know the feeling.

Harry: He’ll come around.

Hermione: Don’t.

Harry: Ok, I’ll keep out of it for now.

Hermione: Get out of bed, you need to catch the train in an hour.

Harry: I’ll talk to you tomorrow, tell you how it went.

Hermione: I am really sorry I can’t be there to help, please let McGonagall and the others know.

Harry: They know.


	7. Chapter 7

**FlooFlirt with:** SoundsLikeRain

SoundsLikeRain: So, do you play Quidditch yourself or just watch?

GreenGuy: I don’t play professionally, but I love a good match between friends.

SoundsLikeRain: Me too.

GreenGuy: Your profile doesn’t say much, are you interested in anything other than Quidditch?

SoundsLikeRain: Cute guys.

GreenGuy: We have so much in common Rain!

SoundsLikeRain: Right?

GreenGuy: I am actually off for now, but it was nice talking to you.

SoundsLikeRain: Oh, that’s fine.


	8. Chapter 8

**PocketMessage:** Ron

Harry: Are you here yet?

Ron: Yeah, grabbed us a compartment in the back.

Harry: Just like old times.

Ron: Yeah, almost.


	9. Chapter 9

**FlooFlirt with:** Neon

GreenGuy: I am very tired. How was your day?

GreenGuy: Damn, I guess I missed you. Maybe I’ll catch you tomorrow.

Neon: I am here. I had a rough day to be frank, but I could use the distraction. Tell me about your day.

Neon: Or not?

GreenGuy: Sorry, I am just trying to figure out a way around the whole ‘I am not ready to not be anonymous’-thing.

Neon: It can be somewhat difficult. If you leave off names it should suffice. Things that seem obvious to you often do not connect for other people, especially strangers.

GreenGuy: I guess you’re right. Ok. Well I was at Hogwarts – for the rebuild you know.

Neon: We might unknowingly have bumped into each other.

GreenGuy: You were there?

Neon: As were most of the people involved in the Second Age

GreenGuy: Yeah. Well I don’t have to tell you why I’m beat then.

Neon: No. No you do not.

GreenGuy: Are you ok?

Neon: I was hoping to converse about a different subject.

GreenGuy: Sure. No heavy stuff on the second chat. Done. SO what’s your favourite colour?

Neon: Really?

GreenGuy: Don’t tell med it’s neon pink?

Neon: No.

GreenGuy: neon blue?

Neon: No.

GreenGuy: Neon orange?

Neon: It is not a neon colour at all - I am not a crazy person.

GreenGuy: Well?

Neon: It is green, actually.

GreenGuy: Neon green?

Neon: You are insufferable.

GreenGuy: Got you to smile though.

Neon: How would you even know? I could very well be on contemplating blocking you.

GreenGuy: But my name has green in it, it is like we were meant to be.

Neon: I really am reconsidering this correspondence.

GreenGuy: Liar.

Neon: Now that you have dragged such a deeply personal detail out of me I should retaliate.

GreenGuy: That sounds ominous.

Neon: What is your age?

GreenGuy: around twenty give or take. You?

Neon: We could have attended Hogwarts simultaneously.

GreenGuy: I’m glad you’re not some desperate old dude or worse a randy thirteen-year-old.

Neon: Technically, I could be a randy pubescent boy.

GreenGuy: No, you couldn’t.

Neon: The math is not on your side.

GreenGuy: Your vocabulary is not on yours.

Neon: Touché

GreenGuy: I get the feeling, that you also appreciate the anonymity of this?

Neon: I do.

GreenGuy: Any specific reason.

Neon: Many reasons.

GreenGuy: That was very vague, even for you.

Neon: I might divulge more if we keep this up, for now the superficial and vague responses will have to do.

GreenGuy: I can respect that.

Neon: And you?

GreenGuy: Me?

Neon: Is it solely the privacy surrounding your sexuality that makes you wish for discretion?

GreenGuy: No not at all.

Neon: Intriguing.

GreenGuy: That’s me, I’m very mysterious.

Neon: One day I might figure you out.

GreenGuy: You might just. 


	10. Chapter 10

**PocketMessage:** Hermione

Hermione: How was yesterday?

Harry: I don’t know really. Weird?

Hermione: Ok.

Harry: You know how I feel about crowds these days.

Hermione: These days?

Harry: Well, it’s not like people stare at me less.

Hermione: I should have come home.

Harry: No. That’s not what this is about. It would have been hard no matter what. I had Luna and Neville there too. I wasn’t just left to fend people off by myself.

Hermione: You can mention him to me you know.

Harry: Who?

Hermione: You know who.

Harry: I know, I know.

Hermione: Just don’t be so weird about it.

Harry: Then write his name yourself and I will too.

Hermione: Fine.

Harry: That’s what I thought.

Hermione: When are you going back again.

Harry: We’ll get a schedule so no one has to come all the time. McGonagall thought it would be a day every other week or so.

Hermione: Wow, really? Must have been quite a turnout.

Harry: Everyone was there, even Malfoy and his lot.

Hermione: Everyone loves Hogwarts no matter what else happened.

Harry: Yeah. I hope we’ll get it ready for September. One year closed is more than enough.

Hermione: With that many volunteers I am sure it will be done faster than you think.

Harry: I need a little more sleep – catch you later and you can tell me all about school.

Hermione: Sure thing Harry. Love you.

Harry: Love you. And please don’t feel bad. We miss you, but nobody blames you.

Hermione: Sure. Bye.


	11. Chapter 11

**FlooFlirt with:** SoundsLikeRain

SoundsLikeRain: Are you free?

GreenGuy: Yeah. Hi Rain.

SoundsLikeRain: How’s it going?

GreenGuy: Good, can’t complain.

SoundsLikeRain: Did you go to the Hogwarts thing?

GreenGuy: I did. I feel like every adult witch and wizard in all of Great Britain was there.

SoundsLikeRain: I know, it was crazy. I’ve never seen so many people at Hogwarts at once.

GreenGuy: It doesn’t happen a lot, no.

SoundsLikeRain: I even got a glimpse of him.

GreenGuy: Who?

SoundsLikeRain: Who?!

GreenGuy: ?

SoundsLikeRain: Harry Potter of course!

GreenGuy: Oh.

SoundsLikeRain: He is so hot. I mean I had seen pictures of him before and I kind of remember him from my Hogwarts days, but he was a kid then. And there was all that crap about him being crazy at one point, do you remember that?

GreenGuy: Yeah, I remember.

SoundsLikeRain: Man, they must feel stupid now talking shit about him like that.

GreenGuy: Sure, sure.

SoundsLikeRain: Have you met him?

GreenGuy: Once or twice.

SoundsLikeRain: Wow. Even after?

GreenGuy: Not many people have had the chance to see him after.

SoundsLikeRain: No, I know, he’s been totally gone this past year. That’s why it was so amazing to see him all silent and gorgeous.

GreenGuy: He looks kind of ordinary to me, if you take away the whole Boy-Who-Lived thing.

SoundsLikeRain: Are you mad?

GreenGuy: Could we not talk about Harry Potter?

SoundsLikeRain: Oh, sorry man, I guess I just got a bit star struck today.

GreenGuy: That’s fine.

SoundsLikeRain: Nono, it’s totally bad form to gush about some celebrity when I’m chatting with another bloke.

GreenGuy: Yeah, I guess.

SoundsLikeRain: So – do you want to meet up?

GreenGuy: I don’t think I’m there yet.

SoundsLikeRain: Oh, ok. Well, tell me when – yeah?

GreenGuy: Sure.


	12. Chapter 12

**PocketMessage:** Ron

Ron: Damn did you see the lists?

Harry: Just got the Owl from McGonagall. What is it.

Ron: Just read it.

Ron: Did you read it?

Harry: Well that should be interesting.

Ron: What are you gonna do?

Harry: Nothing much I can do.

Ron: I’m sure you could request another team.

Harry: And say what?

Ron: I don’t know something like; “Give me another team because I’m Harry Potter and this school would be in the grips of an evil arsehole if it weren’t for me”?

Harry: Right, that would go over fantastically with McGonagall.

Ron: I know, I’m a genius.

Harry: Your team seems fine though.

Ron: I guess. It’s mostly a bunch of old dudes and Luna.

Harry: Could be a lot worse.

Ron: Yeah, it could be Malfoy.

Harry: How would you ever survive.

Ron: How will you?

Harry: To be honest, I can’t really find the energy to be that mad about it. It all seems silly now.

Ron: He was a fucking Death Eater.

Harry: I know the story. I also meant what I said at his trial.

Ron: Yeah yeah, I know. Wanna do something this weekend?

Harry: Sure.

Ron: Drinks?

Harry: At my place.

Ron: Let’s go out.

Harry: Everybody stares when I go out.

Ron: If you did it more it wouldn’t be a big deal anymore.

Harry: I know.

Ron: I’ll come over on Friday. Maybe I’ll bring Neville and Luna along.

Harry: Thanks.


	13. Chapter 13

**FlooFlirt with:** Neon

GreenGuy: I have a question.

Neon: I am listening.

GreenGuy: What career options are there in the wizarding world – other than The Ministry?

Neon: This is not at all where I thought this conversation was going.

GreenGuy: Sorry?

Neon: It is refreshing.

GreenGuy: What is?

Neon: Actual conversation.

GreenGuy: Right – why is that refreshing?

Neon: The fact that you are oblivious to the reason for my astonishment is even further evidence of your uniqueness.

GreenGuy: You make me sound like one of those people that everybody call ‘unique’ but really they just think you are sitting home alone with too many pets, a doll collection and an invisible friend called Clive.

Neon: Clive also needs love.

GreenGuy: He gets overlooked so often.

Neon: People just see right through him.

GreenGuy: Poor Clive.

Neon: Indeed.

GreenGuy: So, any wisdom to share about the options for a young wizard looking for a career?

Neon: Could you narrow it down some?

GreenGuy: I considered Auror for a while and I guess, like most kids, I wondered about Quidditch. Now, well, I think I’d like something low profile, but active. I couldn’t sit at a desk all day, that would drive me insane.

GreenGuy: And nothing with potions.

Neon: Have you considered a trade?

GreenGuy: No?

Neon: There are many good ones – wand making, decorating, painter, builder, warder, curse breaker.

GreenGuy: I’m not really that artistic, so I don’t think I’d do well if I had to come up with things from scratch or worse paint something that looks like something real. Is curse breaking dangerous?

Neon: It can be, but no more than warding. It is two sides of the same coin really. High profile curse breaking like treasure hunting in old tombs is high risk and is considered a dangerous profession but regular curse breaking is no more dangerous than potion making.

GreenGuy: Thank you, I will look into it. I know a curse breaker maybe he can tell mere more about it.

Neon: Why did you reconsider a career as an Auror?

GreenGuy: I guess I had enough of war for a lifetime.

Neon: That is a good reason.

GreenGuy: What about you?

Neon: I have not narrowed down my options at this time. I am not in a rush to do so.

GreenGuy: Oh ok.

Neon: I apologize. My parents have been breathing down my neck.

GreenGuy: Sure. Why not choose something and get it over with?

Neon: I suppose I could but the fact is that I need some time to get to know myself.

GreenGuy: Did you just meet you?

Neon: Very funny.

GreenGuy: I thought so.

Neon: The war was difficult for me. I had to take a proper look at myself during and especially in the aftermath.

GreenGuy: I guess it’s kind of the same for me. I need to know who I am after. I feel like choosing something to do might help.

Neon: I am here to lend an ear if you need to discuss some options. I am off to lunch with my mother now though.

GreenGuy: No problem. Talk to you later.


End file.
